I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
