I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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