I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
