Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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