well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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