is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
