Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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