at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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