i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
