So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
