"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Damn victory sex feels great
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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