***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
