she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
