she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
