you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
