so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
now i know why i became what i already was.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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