fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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