That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
