so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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