I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
