I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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