Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
