she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
