Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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