STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
