He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
