No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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