Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
