First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
