Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
