Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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