Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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