I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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