I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
