NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
