So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were destined to go to rehab together
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
