Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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