Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
