I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
