i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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