Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
