Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
a search helicopter?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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