just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
