I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
