guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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