i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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