I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
