I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
