dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
