i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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