when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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