Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
this just has baby written all over it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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