Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just threw up on my dentist
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
