Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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