careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
