Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
