how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize