She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
