i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize