I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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