That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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