she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
