I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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