it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
