between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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