i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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