Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
