we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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