yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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