So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
